Trying online dating again for the first time in years. How do you filter out the “bad” ones.
Trust your gut. I know this sounds like I’m oversimplifying but it’s the easiest way to escape dating danger. Don’t justify the red flags that pop up.
I’m dating someone immature with lots of potential. Do I stick it out or make him figure out his sh*t?
- If I had a dollar for every time I heard a woman talk about a man’s potential; myself included. You’re not dating him for his potential. You’re dating him for everything he brings to the table (and everything he doesn’t bring to the table) right now.
- You will not make him figure out anything. Your actions or inactions will never affect someone figuring out or not figuring out their situation. People don’t change for other people. They change for themselves – if and when they want to.
- You’re trying to predict the future with an equation that’s giving me LSAT prep: If ____, then ____. When the real question should be: Given all the information you have at this moment, is this someone you’re interested in pursuing.
I’m scared to ask the guy I’m dating if he’s my boyfriend because of putting “pressure” on him.
Why are you more concerned about him than you are about yourself? If you’re interested in having this conversation, go for it. The “worst” that can happen is that he says no or that he’s not interested in that step. If that’s the case, you’ve saved yourself time and energy and will respectfully see yourself out onto future endeavors that will appreciate you more. Onward.
How do you recover from breaking up with a long-term partner?
I feel like I need to do a dedicated post on this topic. Firstly, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Ultimately you will be fine and I know you know that, but in the thick of things, it can be dark. During this time, it’s helpful to remember that regardless of the reason it ended, it’s for the best. It always is. There was a reason things weren’t working.
As far as how to recover – we’re going to start moving on. Today. Right now. Create a new moment for yourself. Start new routines. Stick to them. Plan a lunch or dinner with a friend once a week. Sign up for a new workout class. Find a local farmer’s market and shop there every Sunday at 10 am.
After my last breakup, I started to do all the things I never did or was never allowed to do. That’s another story for another post. I’d always wanted to build a library of my own. So I started one. I wanted to take Wendell on day trips to hike and get to know new areas. So I did. I sold or donated everything that didn’t bring me joy. And I mean everything.
It might sound silly, but make a list of things you’re interested in. Make a list of things that bring you joy. And do one of those things each day for yourself.
What to do when a guy you’re into is projecting past relationships and putting up walls.
Get out of there. Quickly.
Is right person wrong time truly a thing?
My immediate reaction to this is – no. If it’s not the right time, it’s the wrong person. But reflecting upon my own life, there were a handful of years that Mr. Right could have been shipped directly to my doorstep and it would not have mattered because I wasn’t in a place where I could contribute constructively to a healthy relationship. Did I date men during this time? Absolutely. Did those relationships work out? Absolutely not.
If you feel like it might be the right person but it’s the wrong time for you, I would turn inward and do the work that needs to be done before giving any part of yourself to someone else.
Similarly, if you’re on the receiving end of someone saying it’s not the right time, I imagine they’re also in need of doing some internal work and it may not be best to put your eggs in that basket.
I don’t like dating apps or going to bars. Is beach volleyball my last option to meet guys in Chicago?
I’m a firm believer in finding the right person while doing the things you love to do. If you’re interested in triathlons, join a local triathlon training group. Trivia nights, dog parks, hikes, local coffee shops, bookstores, sports games – go out and do the things you’re interested in and approach the cute and interesting strangers you meet there!
True story: I once left a note on a guy’s car. I’d see him around the neighborhood, walking his dog, and knew the car he drove (and parked on the same street I lived on) so one day I left him a note with my number. He texted me that while he was flattered, he was seeing someone, and then we both had a laugh at the unorthodox way I had contacted him. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no? You’ll survive. And what if it (gasp) works out!?
Interested in more reader-submitted dating questions? Check out Dating Apps: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.